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May 2002 Nightmare Mess Night


HarrierPilot.com
HarrierPilot.com

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A Nightmare of a Mess Night

Let's get a room after this...

Jolly and Gunnery Sergeant Major


The Nightmares have a tradition of orchestrating a Mess Night immediately prior to detaching part of the squadron (or booting out an old, used-up CO). On 17 May the Nightmares observed both events with a traditional evening of formal buffoonery at the Shilo. After the standard fare of invocations, guest introductions, fines and dinner, the CO reenlisted a Staff Sergeant and launched into a speech and a roast of deserving Nightmares. The CO spoke for two hours, but nobody fell asleep....



The happy Nightmares
The following happy scenes are from our 17 May Mess Night

Members of the mess
Members of the Mess


Bad boy table
Where the bad actors sit....


SNCO's at the head table
SNCO's at the head table


CO receives his big pencil
How the CO accumulated over 4,000 flight hours...


Cocktail Hour
Cocktail Hour

Band of Brothers
The Maintenance Chief and trouble....

Wall Flowers
Wall Flowers?


CO with President of the Mess
CO with President of the Mess


Cows Executive Officers
Cow with Zieg and Grouper


So help me God
Reenlisting a great Staff NCO at Mess Night


Ricky and Santa
The owner of Jimmy Dee's and the CO of the Blacksheep


Top Luke gets his owl
Boeing Contract Avionics Tech Rep, Top Luke, receives thanks


Gunny P gets an owl
Gunny P: "...narrow eyes and sneaky as a weasel...."


Mister Vice
The cruel Vice President of the Mess


Chunks, Steroid & Screech
Chunks, Steroid & Screech


Lurch ties one on
Lurch issues another energetic howl...hold the scotch!


Hero and the CO perform a skit:

"Why the CO is REALLY leaving..."

Cow and Hero (AKA Gunny Grouchy)
"Gunny Grouchy" lays down the law...





SCENE I  (FEB 2001)

The CO is sitting at his desk with his feet up, when Gunny Goudy appears at the door, standing at attention…

 

GY:  “Sir, permission to speak with the CO?”

 

CO:  “Hi Gunny Goudy, how’s life?” [Gunny walks up to the CO's desk and stands at loose attention]

 

GY:  “Sir, I’ve got a problem, the MMCO’s in my shit!  He wants to know when I’m comin’ to work, when I’m goin’ to lunch and when I’m gonna secure.”

 

CO:  “Well, that sounds reasonable…” [Goudy interrupts, cutting him off in mid-sentence]

 

GY:  “And how much longer am I’m gonna have to carry that gimp Rodenkirk?!!”

 

CO:  “Well Gunny, I…”  [Goudy interrupts again]

 

GY:  “Sir, what do you see happening in your career after this tour?”

 

CO:  “Hmmmmm, after a 24 month tour, perhaps the timing might be right for me to be considered for the MAG-13 CO job…”

 

GY:  [As he executes an about face, he calls over his shoulder] “Stick with me Skipper and the Group is yours!”



SCENE II  (JUL 2001)

The CO is seated at his desk as Gunny Goudy strolls in with a spit cup in his hand. He sits himself down in the chair facing the CO

 

GY:  “Skipper, you’ve got a problem.”

 

CO:   “What’s wrong Gunny?”

 

GY:  “The AMO is in my shit.  He wants me to explain the AMRR entries and he has fucked-up ideas about work shifts in MY maintenance department!”

 

CO:  “Hey Gunny, do you know anything about my tour being shortened to 17 months?”

 

GY:  “Sir, if you don’t keep these amateurs out of my shit, your next tour will be in East Bumfuck!”

[He throws his spit cup at the CO’s feet and storms out]

 

SCENE III  (SEP 2001)

The CO stands up as Gunny Goudy storms in, taking time to light a cigarette before sitting himself down in front of the CO. He blows smoke in the CO's direction as he   absently waves the CO to sit down…

 

CO:  “Hi Gunny, can I get you an ash tray?”

 

GY:  “Cow, do you think that FRANZAK is short naturally, or did his parents stop feeding him as soon as he started to talk?”

 

CO:  “Problems…?”

 

GY:  “He’s in my shit Cow and you need to unfuck it ASAP!”

 

CO:  “Exactly what…”

 

GY:  “Listen!  He doesn’t know shit!  Hell, if he has as much time in the Harrier as he does writing e-mail and taking pictures of himself, he must be a fuckin’ ACE!”

 

CO:  “Gunny…”

 

GY:  “Listen Bovine, unfuck this mess or your next set of orders will be for three years and they’ll be signed “GOUDY” [He throws his cigarette at the CO’s feet and storms out]

 

SCENE IV  (MAY 2002)

The CO walks in as Gunny Goudy lounges in a chair, smoking a cigarette.  Cow stands for a bit as Gunny sits and puffs, not noticing him. The CO shifts nervously from side to side waiting for the Gunny to recognize his presence.

 

CO:  “Uh, Gunny, sorry to disturb you, but the Sergeant Major said that you wanted to see me?”

 

GY:  “Yeah, you’re late…sit down Cow, the XO’s in my shit again!”

 

CO:  “That bastard!  I told him to steer clear!  What this time?”

 

GY:  “He double parked me and I had to ride to lunch in Perkins’ piece of shit!”

 

CO:  “Where were you parking?”

 

GY:  “Next to you—he still doesn’t get it!”

 

CO:  “I’ll call PMO…”

 

GY:  “Listen, there are worse orders than Pakistan—how would you like to be MAG XO?”

 

CO:  “No, please!  I’ll square-away the XO immediately!”  [CO turns and heads out at a trot]

 

GY:  “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass!”

 

THE END



Cow and Gunny Grouchy
"Gunny Grouchy" receives a heartfelt thank-you from the CO for his exceptional professionalism and candid advice.


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Some images were lost...sadly, not all of them!


My Executive Officers